This Weak's Sweet Smelling and Robustly Flavored Show
Navy
September 11, 1993
Aaron: Testing, testing... One, two, three (blow on mike a
little) testing.
Voice (a la Orson on Mork and Mindy): Aaron.
Aaron: (looks around, scared): What was that?!
Voice: Aaron Dotson!
Aaron: Who, who are you?
Voice: I am God.
Aaron: Oh, my God!
Voice: Yes, your God.
Aaron: Whoa! I'm God?!?
Voice: NO YOU IDIOT! (thunder rolls) I'M GOD! You're just
a short guy with a surprisingly deep voice.
Aaron Dotson... The Athletic department has taken
away the Pep Band's mike inside of Scott Stadium.
Aaron: Yea, they fired me. (Turns face down)
Voice: Aaron, you are the announcer of the Pep Band.
You must keep them alive.
Aaron: But what can I do? (Helplessly)
Voice: Announce for them, Aaron. It's your destiny.
Aaron: But how? Jim Copeland won't let us perform.
Voice: Leave Jim Copeland to me. You just announce.
Aaron: But what if no one comes?
Voice: (a la Field of Dreams) If you announce it, they will
come.
Aaron: But...I don't think I can!
Voice (Soothing): Buck up little camper! You can do it!
Aaron: (sees audience, his face lights up, and he says a la
Blues Bros) IT'S THE AWARD WINNING GOD'S ON OUR SIDE
VIRGINIA FIGHTING REBELLING CAVALIER REVIEW BOARD NO EXISTE!
INDOOR OUTDOOR BACKDOOR YOUR DOOR PRECISION BITE MY HOG BUT
DON'T CHOKE ON IT MARCHING MUNCHING PEP BAND BANNED AND
CHOWDER POWDER SOCIETY REVIEW UNLIMITED, NOW BROUGHT TO YOU
BY ANHAUSER BUSCH, ST. LOUIS MISSOURI!!!!!! Because Some
Bands are Better Than Others)
Ya know... we haven't heard much about First Adolescent
Chelsea in the news lately. however, the Pep band is proud
to announce that little Ms. Clinton just went on her first
date. We now take you there to survey the action:
Beavis: Heh heh... is Chelsea here?
Agent: Son, do you have FBI clearance?
Beavis: Sure. Cool. Did you kill JFK? Heh heh
Agent: Wait here boy. The President wants to talk to you.
Beavis; The President! That sucks! He's a dumb ass.
Agent: Boy, you better shut your mouth. The most important
person in the Free World is about to talk with you!
Beavis: He's impotent? Heh heh.. so is Butthead! Where's
Chelsea? She's a babe. Not. Heh heh. Can I touch her
booby? Heh heh
Agent: Boy, I will be with you on every step of your date,
monitoring every move you make. So you better keep your
hands off Miss Chelsea's booby.
Beavis: Sorry... I didn't know you had dibs on her boobs.
Heh heh
Tune in next week when Beavis meets the President:
Beavis: Heh heh... Got any inhalable materials around here
Bill? Heh heh
Song: Cav Song
Form: a Square
In a daring move, last night the Pep Band broke into
the Navy Football Team's hotel room and stole their
playbook. Uh-oh! The Hoo's better watch out. Take a
gander at some of these plays.
1. The Old Tailhook Play -- Run a man between two tight
ends and hope he penetrates for the score!
2. The USS Iowa play -- Screw up the Long Bomb and blame
it on two gay players
3. The Desert Storm game plan -- Find a totally inferior
and unworthy opponent and pummel the daylights out of them
to make yourself look better than you really are.. Hey-- I
think they stole that one from us.
Song: The Love Boat
Form of: A triangle
Just in case you first years were having second
thoughts about coming to the University, the Pep Band now
presents several reasons you'll end up being glad you came
to UVa:
1. If you're female, the Jefferson Society will ALWAYS
compliment you when you enter the room
2. Someday when you call your friend who went to Virginia
Tech, he will refer to you as SIR or MADAME
3. You could be lucky enough to live in the New College.
4. Fraternity parties won't interrupt your first year focus
meetings.
5. You'll never pay the same tuition bill twice.
6. You can hone your self-defense skills at Little John's
on the Corner.
7. You'll never have to carry the burden of student self-
governance.
8. You never have to worry about your Winter vacation
being interrupted by a pesky bowl game.
Song: Gimme Some Lovin'
Form of: U
FLASH: Dean of Students, Robert Canaveri has asked
me to announce that due to the New No Contact Rush policy,
first year men will not be allowed into Scott Stadium for
today's game.
As of September 7th, there has been a $200 fine for
walking across a railroad track. I cross the tracks
everyday to get to Lambeth, and this REALLY has me annoyed.
You can walk across the street, and there are more cars than
trains -cars move faster. Plus, the cars come from both
directions, and trains only come from one. Plus it takes
longer to get across the street that it does to get across
the tracks. Shouldn't anyone stupid enough to stand there
and get hit by a train be weeded out of the gene pool in the
first place?! And how are they going to catch you? You can
just run back across the track and the cop can't chase you
or he'll have to pay $200 also. Buuuut by then your fine
is up to $400, so the state gets $600, which makes me wonder
why those bastards are still cutting my major!
Song: Runaway
Form of: V
Does Junior have a birthday coming up? The pep Band is
all for the spirit of giving, but here are some gifts NOT to
get Jr. this year... gifts such as
- Velociraptor Barney
- Backstage Passes to a Michael Jackson Concert
- Leukemia Barbie
- Amy Fischer Inflate-a-mate doll
- The Rodney King Pinata.
- The Amtrak Derailarific Train set
- Dr. Kevorkian's Operation -the wacky suicide game
(Don't touch the sides - Bzzzz)
- Sit 'n' Bleed
- Mr. Potato Ass
- The Don't Ask Don't Tell GI Joe Gay action figure
(with Kung Fu Grip)
Song: The Muppet Show Theme
Form of: A
And yes, this was a sad day for children everywhere,
when the singing dinosaur, Barney, left his Los Angeles
television studio and sank into a pit of boiling tar.
Please join the Pep Band in saying, "Good riddance, you
candyassed purple freak!"
Song: On Broadway
Form of: A square
Now let's get some commentary on today's show:
So what did you think of the show Charmin Blue? This
show sucked ......
Is that really how you felt about the show (snap snap)?
Oh damn... damn that was awesome.
So What do you think about me personally, blue? You
sucked! Who's responsible for putting you up here?
Charmin, you mean you don't like me? (snap, snap)
Man, you're so cool... You can squeeze my Charmin anytime.
(Pecuuuuuu) Charmin falls.
Song: Mustang Sally
Form of: A triangle
Navy's certainly not the Seminoles, but they are still
Seamen, and we are going to wipe them off the field. So
let's all join hands and give a yell for dear old UVA! GO
HOOS!
Song: Good Ol' Song
This has been a feature presentation by the Award
Winning Virginia Fighting Cavalier Indoor/Outdoor Precision?
Marching Pep Band and Chowder Society Review, Unlimited!!!
Any reproduction, retransmission or rebroadcast of the
pictures, descriptions or accounts in this show without the
prior written consent of the Pep Band and The O-Hill Dining
Society is strictly prohibited by law and is punishable by
dismemberment, decapitation or twenty years in a small,
dimly lit, Turkish prison with Barney.
Thank you for enjoying the show!