The N.C. State Show, 1994

(Cue in "Bad Boys" by Inner Circle)

Announcer: Today, a special edition of Cops.  Follow the boys in blue as they
patrol one of the premiere universities in the nation.  Cops filmed live on
location in Charlottesville, Virginia.  The first mug shots will be those of THE
AWARD-WINNING GUN TOTING VIRGINIA FIGHTING CAVALIER WEARING ORANGE JUST IN TIME
FOR HUNTING SEASON INDOOR/OUTDOOR PRECISION? MARCHING PEP BAND AND CHOWDER
SOCIETY REVUE UNLIMITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(band forms safe)

Announcer: Friday, 2:30 P.M. ,  University Bookstore

Dispatch: All units report to the University Bookstore...  5150 in progress.
Officer:  Put the bookbag in the locker now!
Student:  But what about the honor code?
Officer: I'm not playing with you kid, put the bag in the locker, now!
Student: (pissed) Fine..sheesh.
Officer:  Slowly or I'll sick the dogs on you, punk.
*Dog sound effects*

(Play "You Can Call Me Al")

*BANG* (Form beer mug)

Announcer: Friday, 2:00 A.M.  Rugby Road.
Officer: Pardon me son, haven't you had a bit too much to drink?
Student: No sir I don't drink.
Officer: Come over here..is that beer I smell on your breath!?
Student: No sir it's...
Officer: (interrupting) Says on your ID that you're only 19.
Student: (frustrated) I never said I was 21.
Officer: That's it I'm taking you in.
**CLANG!***
Officer: Watch your head.

(Play "Rugby Road")

*BANG*

FLASH!!!!!
Dispatch: All units, all units we have reports of possible streakers on the lawn,
send in the S.W.A.T. Team.
*War sound effects* (bang as part of effects)

Announcer:  With passage of the federal crime bill, we can all look forward to
100,000 new police officers patrolling our streets.  Here's how some of them will
be broken down:
2000 to use as extras on "NYPD Blue"
250 motorcycle cops to set up speed traps on the Information Superhighway
3500 to protect Virginia Tech's goal posts from opposing teams fans.
**55,000** elite tactical riot police for late night security at Littlejohn's
15 Deputies and an urban assault vehicle to protect N.C. State quarterbacks from
Virginia Defensive End Mike Frederick!!!!

(Play "Jailhouse Rock")

*BANG*

(Form Champagne bottle and glass)

Officer: It appears we have some Fourth years in the band who are impersonating
champagne.  Well, they aren't drinking it, but we'll join them in the Good Ol'
Song and then take them downtown just to be sure.

(Play "Good Ol' Song" with rotating bottle and champagne)

(Cue "Dragnet Theme")

Announcer: Answering for their crimes as having been a part of the Pep Band,
Fourth-Year members now face 5 to 10 years of over-education and underemployment.
Good Luck, Fourth Years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!