The N.C. State Show, 1974

				--CONFIDENTIAL--
		BAND SHOW FOR 10/12/74 -- SECOND VERSION

PREGAME:
Band waits in lot at south end zone; then runs through a paper sign into field
block south formation.  During this running out, a small ensemble of band
people (a dozen or so) will play the Cavalier Song.  Entrance Medley and
National Anthem as last time.

HALFTIME:
	(Band has been waiting in north end zone.  At the signal of an assistant, band
runs out into field block north formation.)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen -- the New Philharmonia Marching Society,
aka. the Boston Flops.  Leonard Bernstein, Conductor; Dan Hobbs, Engineer;
Mitch Miller, Vocal Coach; Van Cliburn, Pianist; Lawrence Welk, Arranger;
Howard Cosell, Diction Coach.

	(Concert Meister joins band from side, tunes them to a siren.  Then drum
major, dressed in full tails, enters from side.  Band member runs forward,
takes away his orchestral baton and hands him one of the orange end zone
markers to conduct with.)

	MUSIC: Bugler's Dream, twice through at B.
	GUNSHOT: band runs into formation #1, a wide A with curved cross piece.

ANNOUNCER: As its mystery letter of the week, the nad now forms the letter
A.  We would like to dedicate this letter to all of Virginia's fraternities, who
have only one thing on their minds -- Of course, we all know that's Alcohol.
Now the band plays its own favorite brand in the Reader's Digest Condensed
Version.

	MUSIC: Beethoven's Fifth (abbreviated version)

ANNOUNCER: Excuse me, band, could you turn the A around?  The North Carolina
State fans can't read it.

	GUNSHOT: The A turns around.

ANNOUNCER: The band wishes to take this opportunity to salute North Carolina
State.  Since we don't have enough people to spell out North Carolina State,
we have formed the middle letter of the word "State."

	MUSIC: N.C. State fight song (Caisson Song), arranged so that the key goes
progressively flatter as the song is played.
	GUNSHOT: Each band member jumps in the air and lands in the same spot.

ANNOUNCER: After a lightning quick change, and since today is the start of the
championship of the world's slowest sport, and since our recent miniature
football field was such a smashing success, the band now forms a scale model
of an Astroturf-covered baseball field.  What other sport can boast a Charley
Finley, who offered pitcher Vida Blue $25,000 to chang his first name to
"True," and who bribed his players to grow handlebar moustaches, and who
still wants everyone to use orange baseballs at night games.  The band has
been negotiating with the Washington Senators baseball team to play during
their games; we estimate that, during an average two hour 30 minute game,
the band will be able to play for two hours 25 minutes without overlapping
any action on the field.

	(Drum major donates his baton for use as a bat.  Pitcher pitches with orange
tennis balls as band simulates baseball game while playing.)
	MUSIC: Take Me Out to the Ball Game
	GUNSHOT: Band moves to next formation: 0-0

ANNOUNCER: In an effort to be more topical, the band is pleased to announce
that it can tell you the score of today's world series game before it starts.
And we have these final football scores, courtesy of ABC Sports: 4-3; 22-11;
50-49; and this one just in, a partial score: 5.  The show committee regrets
that it could think of "nothing" to play.

	GUNSHOT: Band moves to next formation: RUSH, with backwards S.

ANNOUNCER: The band now salutes the fraternity rush season, whic
conveniently coincides with our fall concert season.  Well, that's what
happens when the band has its beer before the show instead of afterwards.
The band encourages the free flow of beer at rush parties, since medical
evidence now suggests that beer makes you smart; after all, it made Bud
weiser.

	(Band turns and boos announcer.)

ANNOUNCER: Well, you can't expect all the jokes to be good!

	MUSIC: Budweiser Song-Rugby Road Medley (RUSH changes into LUSH in
middle)
	GUNSHOT: Band moves to formation: a fire hydrant.

ANNOUNCER: We thank the Charlottesville Fire Department for providing us
with the plans for our fire hydrant.

	MUSIC: Who's Afraid of the Big Band Wolf?, twice through.  During the second
time through, the fire hydrant peels off at random, chasing after a young lady
on a unicycle dressed as Little Red Riding Hood.  The Drum Major continues to
conduct, even after no one is left in front of him.  Finally, two aides come out
and carry him off, as he is still conducting.

ANNOUNCER: The band regrets to announce that its white pants have still not
arrived, and the Department of Surgery maintained an armed guard over its
scrub pants for the past week. --  Tune in again next week, same time, same
stadium, when the Award-Winning University of Virginia Fighting Cavaliers
Indoor/Outdoor Precision? Marching Pep Band and Chowder Society-Revue,
Unlimited, continues to lead the fight for truth, justice, honor, and the
Virginia Way!