The Carolina Show

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, at this time please turn your attention to the
50 yard line for a special presentation...As a symbol of good will, the Virginia
Pep Band presents this gift to the University.

(Horse wheeled out)

Here to accept the gift on behalf of the University is Wood Selig, associate
athletics director.

Announcer: Shhhhhh...Be very very quiet. We're sneaking some humor into Scott
Stadium...

("Humor", a Pep Band member dressed in a jester outfit comes out of the horse.
He gleefully skips and hops around for a few seconds then waves his arms at the
band. As the announcer begins, the band charges onto the field from the tunnel)

Announcer: Come on guys!!! It's all clear for the return of the AWARD-WINNING,
ASYLUM ESCAPING, MUD SLINGING, 20th ANNIVERSARY VIRGINIA FIGHTING CAVALIER
INDOOR/OUTDOOR PRECISION(?) MARCHING PEP BAND AND CHOWDER SOCIETY REVIEW
UNNNNNNLIMITED!!!!!!!!

(Band scrambles into form of null sign)

ANNOUNCER: Just to keep you up to date on our activities, here are some of the
things the Pep Band did while we were on our extended hiatus from Scott Stadium.
Declared our independent candidacy for the Senate; Controlled air traffic over
the White House; volunteered for OJ jury duty; we were political consultants for
Saddam Hussein; and we mediated the baseball strike. As you can see, Scott
Stadium was the only place that would take us back.

("You Can Call Me Al.")

*BANG* (Band forms the precision drill)

ANNOUNCER: In honor of today's halftime entertainment, the Silent Drill Team,
the Pep Band is proud to present their own silent drill.

(Conductor blows whistle, goes through all the motions ofplaying a song. Band
pretends to play. Trombones do silent guillotine)

Announcer: Wow! I've never heard the Pep Band sound better...They really have
been practicing...And their drill isn't half bad either.  I wonder how much it
would cost to have them play like this every week?

*BANG*

ANNOUNCER: FLASH!!! The international coalition in Haiti was recently joined by
forces from Fiji. Turns out, it was a rush event.

*BANG* (Band forms UVA)

("Rock `n' Roll)

*BANG* (Band scrambles to end zone as announcer delivers tag line)

ANNOUNCER: This show brought to you by the committee to re-elect Marion Barry:
The only candidate that's all he's cracked up to be.