The Whoosh Show
                              
                      The Carquest Bowl
                              
                       January 1, 1994
(Cheers theme music plays)
     Band is standing on the field, when over the mike, the
announcer says:
"Hey there guys!!"
BAND: Norm!!!!!
Cliff Claven: Hey there Normie... how ya doing there?
Norm:  Well Cliffie, it's a dog eat dog football game, and
the Eagles are wearing Milk Bone underwear.  What are you
doing up here in the announcers booth?
Cliff:  Well, that Virginia team had some kind of show to
announce, but it was written in Southern, so they asked me
to come and translate for the BC fans.  Go ahead kid.
Aaron:  It's the Award Winning Virginia Fighting Cavalier
Indoor Outdoor Precision Marching Pep Band and Chowder
Society Revue Unlimited!!!!!!
Cliff:  Translation:  Hey Boston, It's The Pep Band.  Let's
have a beer.

     Hope ya'll had a Merry Christmas, Happy Hannakah, or
even a Soulful Kuanza.  The pep Band is all for the spirit
of giving, but if you bought Jr. any of these gifts, you
MIGHT want to take them back...
     - Velociraptor Barney
     - Backstage Passes to a Michael Jackson Concert
     - Leukemia Barbie
     - Amy Fischer Inflate-a-mate doll
     - The Amtrak Derailarific Train set
     - Dr. Kevorkian's Operation -the wacky suicide game
(Don't touch the sides - Bzzzz)
     - The Lorena Bobbit playset
     - The Don't Ask Don't Tell GI Joe Gay action figure
(with Kung Fu Grip)

     And now for some commentary:  Now let's get this
straight.... Florida State was ranked number one.  They lost
to Notre Dame, who in turn were ranked number one.  This
makes sense.  Now the next week, Boston College beat Notre
Dame who was ranked number one.  Logically then, Boston
College should be ranked number one.  (THE BC FANS GO WILD)
And that means just one thing, if Virginia wins today, ....
"WE'RE NUMBER ONE!!!! WE'RE NUMBER ONE!!!!! WE'RE NUMBER
ONE!!!!"

And now for a word from our good friend, Bucky the Clown:
     "H-H-H-Hey Kids!  I'm Bucky the Clown!  Did you not get
what you asked for this Christmas?  Well.... don't just sit
there!  Jump into action!!   First, rub a little onions in
your eyes to get those tears a-flowin!  Then, stop calling
your parents Mommy and Daddy and just use their first names-
- you know, like Bill or Sue.  H-H-H-Hey!!  That drives `em
crazy!!!  Then, write a letter to God saying that if your
parents really loved you, they would have given you that toy
you asked for!!  Make sure to leave it out where your
parents are sure to find it!  H-H-H-Hey!!  The guilt will be
unbearable!!!!  And in a matter of days, you'll get the
goods!!  Remember kids-- if there's no guilt involved, it's
just not Christmas!!  This year, you won't have to be
lucky... just listen to Bucky!!  Happy New Year!!  H-H-H-
Hey!!!!

FLASH:  These scores just in: Nebraska 23, Florida State
NOTHING!!  And in other action, in the third quarter, Notre
Dame is .... oh, sorry-- nobody really cares about that one.

As debate over the nation's health care system continues,
the Clinton Administration continues to revise its
proposals.  The newest addition to the health plan includes
a provision which would assign one doctor to all patients
aged 70 and older in the United States.  The White House
expects Dr. Kevorkian to start sometime next month.

       Ladies and gentlemen, last weekend, after the Pep
Band show, we found a young orange tabby cat with white feet
and markings, wearing a red collar with the name "Snuggles"
inscribed on the tags.  If this sounds like your cat,
thanks, because it tasted really good.

     This show has been a presentation of the Award Winning
Virginia Fighting Cavalier Indoor/Outdoor Precision(?)
Marching Pep Band and Chowder Society Review, Unlimited.
The Pep Band would like to remind you that, in case of an
emergency, please contact the nearest usher.  If you cannot
locate an usher, scream "Fire" at the top of your lungs
until the local authorities come to address your concerns.
As for the rest of you, in case of a fire, please don't
panic.  Even though this stadium is not equipped with
emergency evacuation plans, there is no reason to be
concerned.  We have plenty of insurance to cover the
damages.  Thank you for enjoying the show!